He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
