I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
