We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
