There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
