I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
not ubering you a puppy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
