i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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