garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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