is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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