You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
