but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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