ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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