Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
