we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
