I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
