peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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