how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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