I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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