You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
