I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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