I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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