Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God, I missed his penis.
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