i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
