I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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