Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I want to fling myself into the sun
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
