I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize