My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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