??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
