So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
