i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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