My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
