Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize