I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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