All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The air was thick with penises
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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