The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
