I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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