im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
