U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
