Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
