I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
