Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize