puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
