Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
