I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
