Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
