I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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