i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize