So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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