He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We named our party play list daddy issues
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
