If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
