You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
