whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
