Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
