Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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