We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
