suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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