i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
