Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
