my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
