You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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