I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
