I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
