she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
