call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
