Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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