i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
