Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
