Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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