Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
