I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
