it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I still have a little drunk in my system
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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