So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
