my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are we still banned from the library?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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