You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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