i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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