I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
