I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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