you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
