She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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