I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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