Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
