what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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