i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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