She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
