I'm lost and stupid without you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
