His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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