I met the friendliest cop last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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