In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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