My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize