I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
