you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
