Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
