What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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