conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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