Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Couch. On fire.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize