he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
