you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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