Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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